Heartbreaking Goodbye
by kadean213
Summary: AU - There was a terrible battle in New York City and Steve didn't make it. Tony gets ready for his funeral and looks back on the past 3 years.


Heartbreaking Goodbye

Tony Stark slowly woke up, groaning at the light shining in his eyes. He turned over, stretched, before slumping back down. He didn't want to get up. He _really_ didn't want to get up.

As if reading his mind JARVIS spoke. "Sir, if you don't get started getting ready soon, you will be late for the funeral." Tony sighed, before slowly making his way towards the bathroom. He started the shower, and stepped in. Tony lathered shampoo in his hair, trying not to think about what is going to happen today, but failing miserably. He choked back a sob, not wanting to cry again. He wouldn't want Tony to cry. But it was hard. As sobs racking through his body, Tony slowly slid down the wall, with his head in his hands.

_It wasn't supposed to happen. It was never supposed happen. He had just been given life once more and it had been taken away from him. He was taken away from me. _

_How did this happen? How did one of the strongest man, physically and emotionally, lose his life like that?_

_Had it been a wrong place at the wrong time thing? Or was he trying to be the sweet little boy scout and die saving citizens?_

_It didn't really matter now how it happened. All that mattered now is that he is gone and isn't coming back again. There is no ice to thaw him out again. There isn't anything they can do to bring him back. _

_Why was it him that was taken away? Why couldn't it have been some random cop or a civilian? Or even the monster who had caused this to happen?_

Why_ couldn't it have been _Loki_? Didn't he deserve this? Didn't he deserve to rot in the deepest pit in Hell? Or to be tortured however long his godly body is granting him life? Why couldn't it have been the fucking monster who had made those stupid aliens come yet again? The one who deserved it? _

_Why did it have to be the sweetest man on Earth? The one who would act like a gentleman to all? The one who was so out of date with everything? The one who still prances around with a star spangled spandex suit on? Why the one person I needed most? Someone who actually accepted me for who I was, not someone they wanted to just get an autograph from?_

_It was never supposed to happen. Not like this. He was supposed to live forever._

Tony sobbed even harder, realizing the one man who he loves, and who had loved Tony back, was gone. He couldn't live without him.

Tony had refused to use his name, just referring to him as 'he'. Using his name would make it too real. Using his name would make Tony realize that is wasn't a nightmare.

JARVIS interrupted his train of thought, reminding him he had to get ready. "You must get out of the shower soon, sir. You have to leave shortly."

Knowing JARVIS was right and his love would probably haunt him for eternity for not attending the funeral, Tony got up and dried himself off. He walked into his room, and stared at the suit that hung from his closet door. Tony turned around to his dresser and pulled out jeans and a t-shirt, one of his t-shirts that still faintly smelled of _him_. Tony walked towards his nightstand and opened the drawer. He rummaged around for a bit before slowly pulling out a small black box. Tony stared at it for a moment, tears forming into his eyes. He quickly shoved it into his pocket and took a few calming breaths. After that, Tony made his way down to the basement.

"JARVIS, give me one of my Iron Man suits."

"But, sir-"

"Just do it JARVIS. One of the nicer ones, preferably." A suit came towards Tony, and he stood out, arms out and legs apart. The suit latched onto him, and Tony walked out the garage door.

"How much time do I have?"

"20 minutes until you have to be at the graveyard." It was just enough time to be right on time. Tony flew in the direction of the graveyard, thinking about what it was going to be like.

He had wanted it to be outdoors, because he always loved the warm weather. Tony smiled slightly, only to have tears spring into his eyes. He blinked fast, not wanting to cry while flying.

As he flew, he thought of all the good things that had happened between Tony and him. Their first kiss, and how it had been very awkward for both parties. He remembered how they both wanted to take it slow for different reasons; Tony wanting to finally do something right in his life and him because it was all new to him. He remembered their first date, and how cheesy it was. He had taken Tony out to see a movie and then dinner at a restaurant, and Tony had teased him the whole time for being old fashioned, but was completely flattered. Tony remembered the time he had cooked pancakes for Tony for the first time, and Tony wanted to kidnap him and keep him forever because those pancakes were so damn _good_. Or the time Tony had tried to make a fancy dinner for him, but failed so miserably that they ended up just getting Chinese take out. He remembered their one year anniversary, and how Tony had taken them out to a really fancy restaurant, where they had a lovely candle light dinner, and a beautiful view of New York. They had gone back to Stark Tower and watched a movie, only there wasn't much watching of the movie, if Tony remembers correctly. . He remembered the first "I love you's" and how it had easily become Tony's best moment ever. He had taken Tony to Central Park just to go on a walk. They came upon a bridge, where they just stood there, enjoying each others company looking at the Christmas lights. Tony had looked up at him, and it had just come out of him. Tony had panicked, thinking he had said it too early, or how he could never love Tony back, but he _had_ _said it bac_k and Tony's heart had fluttered a mile a minute. Tony remembered how he pulled the taller man's face down towards Tony to give him a passionate kiss. He remembered their first time, at their two year anniversary. It had been the best night of Tony's life, both of them finally giving the last parts of themselves to each other. It was a passionate, beautiful night, and Tony would cherish it like every other memory he had of him.

Tony had tears running down his face at this point, wishing for anything that this didn't happen. That there was some way to bring him back.

He reached the graveyard and noticed how many people had come to say their final goodbyes to the heroic man. It seemed as though all of the citizens of New York and surrounding _states_ had come to say goodbye.

He landed near Natasha, who was wearing a black dress, her hair up in a bun. She had dark bags under her eyes, and a tissue in her hand. She gave him a weird look when she noticed what he was wearing, but didn't comment. The rest of the Avengers were standing near her, all dressed in black, or dark colors. Tony nodded in hello to them before sitting down. There were a few minutes before the funeral. Tony tried to focus on anything but what was going to happen.

"_Tony! Go! I've got this!" _

"_There are way too many of them! I'm staying here to help!"_

"_There's a woman and two children being blocked by a few of them. Tony, they need your help."_

"_Fine. But I'm coming straight back here to help you."_

He squeezed his eyes shut, willing the memories to go away. He couldn't relive the memories quite yet, not while Pepper had taken away all of his drinks and forbidden him to have one for the rest of his life. Tony was still surprised he had made it this long without alcohol to numb at least a little bit of the pain he had been going through. Sadly even the rest of the Avengers and Fury had agreed to not let him near a drip of alcohol since what had happened. They all knew _exactly_ what would happen if Tony was allowed any alcohol.

The service had started, and Natasha had sat down on his left, with Pepper on his right. The minister or preacher or whoever the hell he was got up and started the ceremony. Every once and awhile Tony heard a sob from someone in the crowd. _Like they knew him besides seeing him on the TV. They don't have any right to cry like they knew him. No one knew him like _I _did. _

The service was beautiful. It was a surprisingly nice day for fall in New York. There wasn't a cloud in the sky and a light breeze blew every once and awhile. Leaves covered the ground beneath them, making the ground almost swim in reds, oranges and yellows. A hundred chairs or so were set up in front of the coffin, for all of the people who personally knew him. The coffin was closed, an American flag covering the top. Tony sucked in a sharp breath when he noticed what was leaning against the coffin. _His shield. _

Before Tony could dwell on the object, the priest asked the audience if anyone would like to say any final words. Natasha, Thor, Bruce and even Nick stood up to give a speech. Their words were cracked, and caused many tears amongst the audience. The priest came up after everyone had spoken. He asked if anyone else would like to say anything else. Tony stood up and stiffly walked over to the podium. He let the mask of his suit fall, showing his bloodshot eyes to the world.

"Hello, everybody. If you don't know me, I'm Tony Stark, or Iron Man. Obviously," Tony gestured to his suit, trying to hold off the speech. He sighed deeply, his eyes wandering over to the coffin. "This man, well I didn't get along with him well when we first met. Even if the circumstances were different, I don't think I would have disliked him more than I did. See, my father, who helped add the serum, was obsessed with trying to find him, and creating SHEILD. He didn't have time for me, so the fact that the man my father was obsessed with was still here, and that my father's efforts were pointless, it stung.

"But over time, especially after the Chitauri attack, I grew to like the man. I mean he was Captain America, who could hate him? The perfect gentleman, kind hearted, excellent cook and couldn't understand at modern technology to save his damn life. Who wouldn't want to be the man's friend?" Tony smiled to himself, thoughts of him filling his mind. His eyes glossed over, tears threatening to spill.

"I love him. He was my everything. He was the one thing I wanted to be _right_ in my life, the one thing that would always be there, never leaving my side. He meant _everything_ to me. He was always constant presence whether he was in the room or not, always in the back of my mind, constant. He always had my back, and I had thought I had always had his….

"The day he…. it was our 3rd anniversary. At first I had this huge elaborate plan, but it would have been something he hated. I'm not sure spelling out the question in the air while in my Iron Man suit would have sufficed. God, could you imagine the look on his face? No, I toned it down a ton. Just a simple dinner in the diner he loved and then a walk in the park where we first said... It was simple, but he would have loved it."

Tony took out the little box and stared it down, as if it was the box's fault they were in this position. He opened the box and took one last glance at the ring he had spent hours trying to find, ingraining it into his memory. Tony slowly walked over to the coffin, and got down on one knee. Tears were now streaming down his face, as he clutched the box tightly in his hand. Taking in a ragged breath, he whispered the words he had longed to ask the man he loves for months now.

"Steve, will you marry me?"


End file.
